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What are parts?

Writer's picture: Danny KerryDanny Kerry

Have you ever noticed how you seem to change depending on who you’re with or the situation you’re in? This is a common experience, and it’s because we all have different parts of ourselves that come forward in various contexts.

For instance, when you’re with your family, you might find yourself falling into a familiar role or dynamic—maybe the caretaker, the peacekeeper, or the one who always tries to make everyone laugh. These roles are parts of you that have developed over time, often as a response to the needs and expectations of your family environment.


When you're with long-time friends or people you deeply trust, a different side of you may emerge. Perhaps you’re more playful, open, or willing to dive deep into conversations about ideas and feelings that you might not explore with a work colleague. This playful or thoughtful side is another part of you, one that feels safe to express in the company of those who accept and understand you.

Similarly, in professional settings, another part of you might step forward—perhaps the responsible, goal-oriented side that focuses on tasks and performance. This part knows how to navigate the expectations of work and maintain professionalism, even if it feels quite different from how you act outside the office.

We also have parts that come out during stress, like the part that worries and tries to control situations, or the part that feels overwhelmed and just wants to escape. These parts often carry important messages or needs, even if they sometimes feel like they’re working against our overall sense of well-being.

 



At times, it can be hard for these parts to step back, especially when they’ve been dominant for a long time. For example, if you’re someone who is naturally driven and goal-oriented, you may find it difficult—really difficult—to turn that off when you’re home with your loved ones. The part of you that excels at pushing through challenges at work may still try to take charge, even when what’s really needed is rest, connection, or playfulness. This blending of roles can create tension and make it hard to shift gears, leading to feelings of frustration or imbalance. We can think of these internal dynamics as polarizations—where different parts seem to pull in opposite directions, but often share common underlying desires.​

Understanding these parts isn’t about labeling ourselves as fragmented or inconsistent—it’s about recognizing the rich, complex nature of our inner lives. Each part has a purpose, and by becoming aware of them, we can start to appreciate how they contribute to our overall sense of self. We can learn to harmonize these parts, so they work together in alignment with our core values and true intentions ​

 

Inner Polarizations

Polarizations are all around us—Most prominent right now in the political realm, where two sides can appear to be fighting for the same issue but from seemingly opposite positions. Take immigration, for example: one side may want stricter borders for safety from a perceived threat, while the other side fights for the safety of those seeking refuge. At first glance, they seem in conflict, yet both are driven by a shared desire for safety, just viewed through different lenses. While it is, of course, more layered than that, within those layers exist the same kinds of polarizations.

The same concept applies to our inner parts. Just as external polarizations reflect differing perspectives on a common concern, our inner parts can also become polarized—each with its own goals and values, but often driven by similar core desires. 

Some polarizations are more subtle: the part of you that struggles with indecision, torn between the fear of making the wrong choice and the need to move forward. Or perhaps there’s a part that seeks recognition and approval, while another part resents the pressure of meeting those expectations, pulling you in opposite directions. These quieter internal battles can leave you feeling stuck, anxious, or dissatisfied without fully understanding why.

Other polarizations might show up as behaviors like procrastination and overworking. On one hand, there’s a part that feels driven to accomplish everything perfectly and as quickly as possible. On the other hand, another part feels overwhelmed by the pressure and just wants to shut down or avoid the task altogether. Both parts may be driven by the desire to avoid failure or disappointment, yet they express it in contrasting ways.

IFS helps to explore these inner polarizations and uncover the shared motivations beneath the surface. By recognizing the common desires fueling these seemingly conflicting parts, you help them work together rather than against each other, bringing greater harmony and balance to your internal world.

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