Running Hard, Feeling Lost: Why Men Settle for Less Than They Are

Are you more than you dare to think?

Pause. How does that question land for you? Arrogant? Selfish? Maybe even wrong to ask? Perhaps a part of you pushes it away before you even let it sink in.

I spend a lot of time working with and listening to men. At some point, I started to notice a common theme: a movement between wanting more, feeling more… a sense of incredible possibility… and then a resignation and defeat.

But why? Why do we feel this tension?

It’s because we are limiting ourselves. That feeling of “more” isn’t false or wrong — it’s real. And yet, given the strategies we know to change our lives, and the lack of a way into tapping our inner potential, we end up settling for less. It’s frustrating, I know. Worse than that, it’s diminishing our lives.

If you resonate with this, you probably feel a deep sense of resignation — maybe even powerlessness.

I’ll be honest: seeing men limit themselves like this is the hardest thing for me to witness. Because I know it doesn’t have to be that way.

When a man is in that place of resignation, it’s very hard to get through to him. If it’s a friend, I often have to just watch and hope. But for the men I work with — and for you reading this — I want to wake you up. I want to shift the belief that the desire inside of you is bad, selfish, or worse… foolish.

It’s none of those things. It’s natural. It’s part of being human. It’s misunderstood. And most importantly, we often have no idea how to tap into it — and perhaps just as important, how to hold onto it when the world (and maybe even the people closest to us) misunderstand it.

So many professional dads I talk to feel stuck in trade-off mode. Culture tells you that you can either be the dad your kids remember or the professional your colleagues respect — but not both. And most of us buy into it. We push at work, we provide at home, and yet we still feel like we’re failing in both. That’s the lie we’ve been sold.

The truth? You don’t need to choose. That desire for “more” inside you isn’t selfish or foolish — it’s the most natural thing in the world.

So let’s question the way we’ve been taught to see ourselves. I only ask this in the service of trying on a new idea. A new belief: You are more than you think you are. And if you take on that belief, it means you can be more than you currently are.

Before I continue, let me make a clear distinction. “More” doesn’t mean completely different. It doesn’t mean changing everything about you. It means adding on top of who you already are.

Or more accurately, being more of what you already are.

It means, if writing fiction fills you up, then write — and maybe even make a living from it. It means, if you feel like a leader in a job that limits you, you find a way to lead so others can’t help but see it (or eventually you find your place in another role). It means you find it easier to be present with your children, they want to be around you more, and you become the one helping with their homework — when before, you could barely do more than work.

More means adding on top of who you already are.

But here’s the truth: other areas of our life often get less of us. We struggle to balance it all, and so we start to limit what we believe we can achieve. We decide we can’t have both — a career that excites you and family — without losing something. And when we see so few men really doing it, we quietly wonder if there’s something wrong with us.

“It’s not about potential. It’s about strategy, and it’s about tapping into our inner resources.”

That’s exactly the work I do. That is my coaching: helping professional dads figure out how to get more from the amazing men they already are, and removing the blocks that stand in the way. And we do it so you don’t have to change everything — but instead add more.

When you do, you escape trade-off mode. You stop living like every choice costs you either your career or your family. You begin to enjoy your life again — with more clarity, a clear sense of direction, and without the constant doubts.

Are you more than you dare to think? Pause. If the answer is even a whisper of yes — even if it feels uncomfortable — that’s where we begin. Click here.