Two Places People Start From: Vision or What’s in the Way?

When I first start working with someone, there are usually two places people are coming from—give or take nuance and the complexity of each person’s journey.

One is a kind of fog. They’re not exactly sure what it is they want to do—or if they are, it’s still vague, like something that hasn’t fully taken shape yet. Maybe it’s been buried under years of responsibilities, expectations, or just the busyness of life.

Coaching, for them, starts with getting honest about what matters, what they want more of, and what they might want to let go of. It’s not about dreaming big for the sake of it. It’s about starting to recognize what already matters—and giving it space.

The second place is more familiar to me, because I’ve lived it. It’s not about lack of clarity. It’s about not moving. These folks already know what they want to do—or at least one part of them does. They’ve been circling this thing for years. They’ve tried. They’ve stopped. They’ve come back again. There’s a kind of quiet knowing that this thing matters. And still… something’s in the way.

That’s the place where coaching shifts from strategy to curiosity:

What’s going on beneath the surface that’s making this so hard to follow through on?

So when I sit down with someone for the first time—or in the first few sessions—this is what I’m listening for. Where are they starting from? And how can coaching meet them there? What kind of support helps close the gap between where they are and where they sense they could be?

For me personally, the biggest shifts in my own coaching practice haven’t come from refining my strategy or getting crystal clear on my niche. They’ve come from working with the parts of me that felt ambivalent—concerned about being seen, about getting it wrong, about not being “enough” to facilitate change in others. Some days, those parts still speak up.

But I’ve learned that clarity often isn’t the absence of doubt—it’s about staying connected through the doubt. That’s where something real happens.

And...Sometimes, just getting honest is part of the work.

Especially for those who aren’t clear on what they want yet, it’s not always a lack of imagination—it’s a kind of protective hesitancy. Giving yourself permission to want something can feel like a risk. What if it’s too much? What if it’s not realistic? What if it changes everything?

So we start by stepping into it—hypothetically.What if you could have it? What if it were safe to imagine?

We try it on. Explore what it feels like in the body. Let the idea breathe without immediately asking it to prove itself. And often, when that vision starts to feel real, that’s when the more cautious parts show up—the ones concerned about impact, failure, change, visibility, responsibility.

And that’s where the deeper work begins.

Because real clarity isn’t just naming what you want. It’s understanding what could make it hard—and what’s trying to protect you from going after it.

That’s where these two journeys often come together. First, giving space for the vision. Then, gently surfacing what might stop it. And finally, listening deeply—so that every part of you (even the ones with doubts) gets to feel heard, understood, and included in the process. That’s what makes a vision sustainable. One that fits not just your ambition, but your nervous system, your values, your relationships.

Because when it comes down to it, we’re not just trying to do something meaningful-We’re trying to do it in a way that feels like home.

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